i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
