Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
