he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
