Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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