Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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