beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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