I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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