watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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