Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
