I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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