she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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