Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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