Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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