tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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