mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
