What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
