Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
