Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
