Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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