i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
