when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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