So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
