I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And then my night got REAL pukey
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
