I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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