He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
