when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
