Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
