Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
