So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
