I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
