24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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