I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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