my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
