she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
