Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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