I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
