I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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