I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
