he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
