I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
