omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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