the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
