well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
