You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
