she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
