Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
