ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
