she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
