I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
