Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
