I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
