U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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