i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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