Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
