I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
