i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
