she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
