People in love make me want to vomit
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
