the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
