Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
