her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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