im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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