it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
as a side note pls kill me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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