I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
