haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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