careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
someone owes me an orgasm
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
