You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
