Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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