thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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