how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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