I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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