come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
