Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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