Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
