Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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