if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
