I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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