Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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