MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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