Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
