I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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